The following poems were written during a dark time of my life. The following emotions are therefore very real, and very honest, and may be difficult to read. Proceed with caution.
If you find yourself suffering from depression, you are not alone. If you are suffering from thoughts of suicide: click here for a list of international resources.
And most importantly, you have worth. You matter. Never forget that. <3
That silent, lonely, empty space
Found just below the heart
That whispers, mocks, and finds all faults
And just rips you apart
That silent, lonely time of day
When none are there to hear
And softly, slowly, all mistakes
Are whispered in your ear
That silent, lonely feeling now
When none can come to aid
When all mistakes are brought to bear
And all good deeds do fade
That silent, lonely helplessness
With claws as firm as steel
That smothers all your hopes and dreams
Til only it is real
I'm stuck inside the in-between
Afraid to make decisions
That place where nothing concrete lives
Stuck in my indecision
My life is changing, day by day
But how to change to match
I do not know what I should do
Or what new plan to hatch
I need something to keep me busy
While I'm waiting for the facts
But without a concrete vision
I'm afraid to make these pacts
I need a task, a goal, a dream
I need a project, true
Something to distract my mind
Something I can do
Instead I'm stuck inside myself
Afraid to journey forth
Afraid I'll pick the wrong thing, I
Just want a task with worth
But any task would have worth now
If I to me am honest
The days that I do naught at all
Are, truth be told, the longest
My life consists of tribulations
Disasters and complications
Nothing works the way it should
Breaking every way it could
I cannot continue thus
I try to help without much fuss
But strength is failing, hope is ailing,
Stress just keeps up, more assailing
Why can't I just say goodbye?
Why can't I curl up and die?
Why can't life just leave me alone,
Instead of breaking every bone?
Nothing works, nothing changes
Frustration my life arranges
Mistakes are my middle name
And never I'll be whole again
Empty silence is a blessing
Reprieve from despair of guessing
Every day a new disaster
Coming often, coming faster
How can people live this way,
Struggling from the day to day?
How can anything be bright
When all I see is dark and night?
Here I stand, but not for long
Here I sing my final song
Working with the tools God gave me
Praying someone comes to save me
Downward spiral
Falling fast
Nothing sacred
Nothing lasts
Downward spiral
Down to Earth
Down to where
Despair gives birth
Nothing good
Will come of this
No more cheer and
No more bliss
No more future
Happiness
No more chances
Goals to miss
How did I
Fall down so far?
Here I am
A shooting star
Everything
Has gone so wrong
Life is moaning
No more song
Here I am
A broken mess
Here I am
I tried my best
Mistakes I made
And dreams I shattered
Here I stand
All bruised and battered
Nothing works
Everything fails
Good against my
Failure pales
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Nothing left of
Hope today
Hello, darkness
Fading fast
Here I thought
My dreams would last
Shattered on
The broken ground
Here I scream,
Without a sound
I cannot last much longer now,
Something's gonna break,
I see no chance, no change of stance,
My efforts now seem fake.
I'm caught up in a downward spiral,
Rushing to my doom,
I see no hope to help me cope,
I'm falling, falling...
...BOOM!
The world spins on
And here stand I
The facts unsure
As time slips by
Here I sit, alone again
Silence an unwelcome friend
These thoughts inside my head today
All jumbled up, and here to stay?
What matters most
In this life we live?
Truthfulness? The will to give?
The need to be that which we are?
We all must follow our own star.
I wish I knew where mine would lead me,
Here today just to deceive me?
What am I learning here today?
Why would my trust lead me astray?
I wish I had some answers here...
But no, just further questions, Dear
No answers yet for me, I fear.
The future lies for those who wait
It promises, but gives too late
Or you could say it lies in wait
It lures you in to meet your fate
The future takes what we hold dear
And scatters it both far and near
"There is no hope for you, my dear,"
It tells me as I'm standing here
I do not know where I went wrong
Perhaps I knew not all along
Perhaps I've always been this wrong
Destined to failure before long
The future leers at those who try
To fight the ones who make reply
To punish those who dare to try
We suffer here... and then we die
