Matsias was grateful the Westwood common was more or less empty when he arrived. Still, he walked with purpose as he approached Ms. Collins' door. He didn't want anyone stopping him and asking him why he was there. He help up his hand to knock and he wondered for a moment what might happen if he turned around and left. He could tell Ms. Collins that he took a nap during lunch and slept through their appointment. But she would probably find another way to meet with him. He knocked twice, and held his breath, hoping the door wouldn't open. It did.
"Mat." Ms. Collins' smile burned into him. "Come in." The door swung open wide, and Matsias had no choice. He stepped inside and sat in the chair in front of Ms. Collins' desk. Whatever comfort the room had offered in the past was gone. The arms of the chair felt like straps. The walls closed in on him as the door clanged shut. Ms. Collins took a seat on the other side of her desk, and the air grew hot, as if all circulation had ceased.
"How have you been, Mat?"
"Fine." He tried to breath normally.
"How did it go with Charlie yesterday? Did you two get along?"
"I guess." His eyes began to burn, and he reminded himself to blink.
"Okay... why don't you tell me about these nightmares you've been having?" Mat knew this was the reason he was here, but he hadn't entirely expected her to launch into it immediately the way she did. His voice caught in his throat.
"Mat, you're here because..."
"I know. I just... I can't..." He relived that day enough at night. The thought of reliving it in the daytime made him short of breath.
Ms. Collins moved her chair to the side, so that she sat beside her desk, rather than behind it. "It's difficult to talk about."
Mat nodded.
"Than let's start with something easier. You told me you always wanted to come here. Why?"
"I dunno... I guess I wanted to learn." The words sounded stupid when he said them aloud, and he hated feeling like he had to justify or explain them. "My dad taught me how to read, and ever since then, I've read everything I can. I started bending luck when I was... seven or eight? Magic was just another thing I could learn. Then my uncle brought me this pamplet about Faraday, and it was..." He sighed. "It was a school. And I wanted to go to school." His nostrils burned. Matsias bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to cry in front of Mrs. Collins again.
"Your dad taught you to read?"
"Yeah. Key too. He used to be a teacher before..." Mat's breath caught in his throat.
Ms. Collins didn't press. "What books did you read?"
"Everything. My dad knew how to get books that were discarded. And there were still a couple of booksellers than sold to Pelan. And Key's family brought them to me. Like I said, I read anything I could. I wanted to know about the world outside of Illegate. My friend... Tilli... she has the journals of the Pfieffer twins. I always wanted to read those." Thinking about Tilli's books made the walls recede a bit.
"How old were you when you learned about Faraday?"
"Nine. It was my coming of age." For about the first time since arriving at Faraday, Matsias was conscious of his missing headscarf.
"You said your uncle gave you a pamphlet?"
"My dad's brother. He lives in Mevi..." It occurred to Mat that he wasn't sure if his uncle still lived in Mevi, or even if he still lived.
"Did he want you to go to Faraday?" Ms. Collins' smile continued to bore into him.
"Probably," he said as the walls closed in again.
"But?"
Matsias looked up at Ms. Collins. He had a feeling she already knew his answer, and he resented her for it. He forced himself to look at her as she spoke. "My mother was temple matriarch, and bound to her people, to go where they go, until a new matriarch is chosen. We were bound to Illegate."
"And now you're here."
"Yeah. I got exactly what I wanted. I just had to lose everything else first."
